in Tropical Life

secrets of the big dick

at 7:51 this morning the comments section of panama after hours was violated. nothing unusual in that. even the best spam filters get a good rogering now and again. normally, i just hit delete, and no one’s the wiser. but today i’ve left the spammers remarks intact (minus the sleazy links). why? because the spammer makes a good point, it is “easy to waste your money on penis enlargement.”

every day i get spammed with expensive cures for the small penis. and i have to ask myself two questions; how did they know? and which creams, pumps, herbs, and pills will make my little friend grow larger?

i know a guy back in the states who qualifies as an expert in matters such as these. he’s gay and Chinese. no one’s more obsessed with big dick than your average Asian homosexual. he tells me small penis cures are all crap. he should know, he’s tried them all.

sure, his penis pump added extra inches and girth. but an hour later his erection melted faster than a raspado on a hot summer’s day. then he briefly considered medical intervention. penis operations have become big business. problem is, doctors actually cut into the penis. only a madman would willingly cut a penis.

my friend now thinks the most sensible way to make a penis look larger is to lose weight. no doubt i could stand to lose a few pounds. but diet and exercise are hard work. i didn’t become a writer to get all healthy and fit.

so i’ll tell you my solution. i date a latina. my Panamanian girl friend’s petite, much smaller than the big-boned gringas roaming the great white north. truth is, my pasty dick looks like trump tower in her tiny bronze hands. when it comes right down to it, that’s probably the main reason i stay with her. she makes my dick look bigger. and it doesn’t cost me a dime.

Care to Comment?


  1. I gather your Chinese friend must aspire to pitching versus catching.

    Well maybe he would have better luck with a Kuna guy, they are supposed to be the second smallest race of humans, behind the pygmy (or whatever the PC term is for them). I also understand the Kuna have very open social attitudes towards pirating…

    You have probably found your pasty one eyed trouser trout to be an object of fascination to your bronze Panababe. They seem to have a thingy for the white weenie. You might as well use what few attractions us pasty white, wee willied, Norte Americano assets we possess to be able to exploit the highly desirable LBFM market in Panama.

    Its nice to feel 'big'.

    Just one more reason for a pussy deprived/whipped man to head towards warmer harbors…

  2. funny you say that. i was randomly reading craigslist panama and there was an ad from a kuna man looking to sell his services as an escort. lol – maybe the kuna's are total freaks.

    in my experience, having white skin and blue eyes in central america is like wearing a rolex and driving a benz.

  3. I got to tell you, you are one funny writer. The mix of Panama real life and your story telling is truly reading entertainment. Tits beach is just past Gorgona and it is actually a surf spot but so freaking beautiful and the locals are going to suprise you. Bucu interior surfer dudes. And I do not mean the city surfers. I mean the actual natives have been surfing this beach for decades. I am not a surfer but I grew up in the seventies and early eighties as a teenager in Panama and this is where I grew up hanging out with my boys. Everytime we get together we talk about how we would always take time to visit these places and show our kids etc. so I am passing this on to you so that you truly get to experience Panama. My brother lives in Medford.

    Later and sorry for the yapping.

  4. thanks rrroyo, that means a lot. don't apologize. i enjoy reading your comments. and i'm happy to have a chance to learn more about panama. sorry about your brother. he's probably freezing his ass off right now.

    matt – panamanian midgets? i don't think i've ever seen any. i have a theory there's an underground railroad sending panamanian midgets to the states to work in carnivals and bad porn films.