expat writer rumored to be fugitive on the run.
breaking news!
panama city panama – citizens already reeling from the tragic fires in curundu, the uptick in gang violence, record breaking coke shipments, pedophiles, scam artists, and illegal immigrants, learned today that yet another vile monster could be lurking in tropical paradise.
cojito, editor and writer of panama after hours, is suspected of using an assumed name to write insipid articles, hide from authorities, and a pregnant boston brahman.
“cojito’s a second-rate hack who’s running from the law,” an angry patriccio wrote, “my guess is he knocked up some girl from boston who’s from a prominent family.”
news of patriccio’s accusations quickly spread, and condemnation was swift.
“second rate hack? sure. but the thought that he might have a child somewhere is simply appalling.” said cojito’s mom.
“isn’t he still dating that panamanian ladyboy?” said cojito’s half brother raul.
“i’m surprised to hear he can get it up. if you talk to him, tell him he owes me money.” said ex-wife kim.
“we won’t let him near children, animals, or clowns,” said longtime reader marco.
“i first to meet cojito on the streets of central,” replied alex, cojito’s longtime girlfriend. “it was many years ago during carnival. right away i noticed his blond hair, and that his pants were down around his ankles. i had just lost my job, and needed money. he was drunk. so we looked for his wallet together.”
“he was very generous. but even the many hours of cunnilingus in a leaky cayuco off bocas del toro, the gentle way he to hold my hair as i suck his dick, or that he to always leave $50 on dresser when we to finish, could not make up for his writing. it be bad. very bad.”
“still, i no think he has the kid. he shoot blanks with me.”
update! young reader writes – cojito, are you my papa?
Written by: Cojito Copyright © 2012 · All Rights Reserved · Panama After Dark
Jeez, you really are a semi-literate hack – your first sentence contains 2 fucking misspellings. There is no such word as "realing"; the word is "reeling" and the word "shipment" has no e after the p.
I do appreciate your self denigrating sense of humor though. Learn how to write and then maybe we'll talk.
Patriccio
damn, more typos – thanks. i'll fix those straight away.
but seriously, why do you keep coming back? you've been quite clear, you have contempt for the writing, and you loathe the writer. yet here you are again, reading and commenting.
you gotta admit patriccio, that's fucked up.
Cojito,
No, I don't loathe you or your writing. You can't really loathe something or somebody you don't know. So I suppose an apology is in order.
Your writing is a little rough around the edges, but you make up for it with your originality.
Actually, I think you offer an interesting perspective – especially your reports about Panama City's seedier haunts. I was just trying to provoke you, ala the "fugitive on the lam" bit. Believe me, I harbor no ill will. Life's too short to engage in a flame war in some obscure little backwater of the net.
So why the interest in Panama? I lived there for 4 years and just got back from a month long vacation there. Carnival in Las Tablas – Dios Mio!
OK. If you want, I'll leave and never return. I did write some slanderous drivel in the midst of a rum soaked weekend. Guilty as charged. Mea culpa.
Patriccio
patriccio
you sounded like an angry young man with a master's degree. glad to know you are one of us.
i've tried to get cojito to drop the pervert facade because he has tremendous insight into the lives and hearts of the girls in panama. i've even volunteered to take his rum and his girlfriend so he can focus on his work. dumb shit never listens to me…
Marcopolo,
LOL!
Taking away the rum and girlfriend is a noble offer, but may kill the goose from whence these golden nuggets of insight arise. Nobody wants a 12 step cojito preaching religious crap.
You're right, Cojito has tremendous insight and should be applauded. I'm just making his life miserable about silly shit like spelling and syntax.
Patriccio
you see how you get when you're drinking patriccio?
no worries, it's all good. i figured you were trying to wind me up. if your comments really bothered me, i'd have just deleted them. as you say, life is short.
i like readers that point out issues with my spelling and syntax. it's helpful. i'd just prefer it if they were a little less vituperative.
thanks for the compliments.
marco – drop the pervert facade? cojito's the facade. the pervert's all me.
Oh, Jesus H. Fucking Christ.
Will you guys just fuck and get it over with, already??
Goddamn hippies.
let me get this right — the berkely grad is calling me a hippie??? well, i guess i do like love and piece. "yeah, baby"
marco "as-long-as-i-have-a-face-she'll-have-a-place-to-sit" polo
Vituperative?
Great word. Holy shit. You're making progress. I'll buy you a beer when I get back there.
Ya see, I'm a wordsmith – much like HST. You have to choose your words carefully.
Interesting, but true story – HST could not figure out how Fitzgerald wrote "The Great Gatsby". He puzzled about it for years. He was so obsessed he ended up typing the whole novel on a typewriter, and he still never understood how Fitzgerald transposed the symbolism into words. There was something there that escaped him and he knew it.
As he finally said, he was never meant to be a writer of books or novels. He felt inadequate in the face of great writers, but could always hold his own in discussions with them. Read the "Rum Diary" and then tell me he was a great novelist.
He was just a great writer. I've read everything he's written and met him once. His words carried meaning and strength. His element was never a lenghty treatise; he was always better at analyzing something and moving on.
I owe a lot to you, Hunter – for your willingness to break the rules and speak your mind. You showed incredible courage and an indefatigable will. You shaped American Literature.
So yes, let's raise a glass and celebrate this weird and wonderful character –
"Here's to the ships of the sea and the women of the land.
May the former be well captained and the latter be well manned".
Patriccio
Who are you talking to?
Hunter is dead.
Are you drunk again?
I'm talking to everyone exept you, little twerp.
ahhh… you do have a masters degree…oh well, i won't hold that against you. just don't call my drunken perverted low life berkely grad shit faced buddy raul a twerp. if we ever find admiral stockdale he'll kick your college-boy ass…who took my vodka???
"he can't be a man cause he doesn't smoke the same cigarettes as me."… Mick Jagger
"it's showtime!!" Beetle Juice
oh fuck, where was I?
"Tellin' me mo and mo… about some useless infomation… tryin' to fire my imagination…"
What the fuck are you all talking about?
Is this now a author/master/ who is the best at spelling discussion?
Well my spelling sucks, but then you lot try and write Dutch. Who is Admiral Stockdale and why did he take the vodka? "Vituperative" should I buy a dictionairy?
Cojito, you write and the rest of you just make comments! Not really creative is it, to blow others words.
So tell.. where IS the vodka !!
we are a cult of psycho losers with nothing better to do than drink and chase women. cojito is our god. we worship him.
the vodka? it's ketle one and it was here a minute ago…perhaps the butler took it.
oh. by the way, marco medical update: my proctologist called — they found my head…