panama - go to bed free, wake up a wanted man.
i found alex slumped over our balcony railing this morning, wretched and alone. a purple sky glowered over the city. rain hissed in the streets like an angry snake. i put my arm around her, told her not to worry. it’ll be ok, i lied.
the shuffle -
i entered panama, like i always do, legally, on a 90 day tourist visa. mister, mister - bienvinido a panama mister! my driver said. alex was crying happy tears. back then everyone was happy to see me again.
why not? i spend money, learn the language, and obey the law. but then something changed. one morning i woke up and the government had branded me a criminal. i was now an illegal alien. i could be hauled off to jail, fined, and deported, never to return.
so what should i do? in poker, there’s a saying, you win by folding. to be a consistent winner at the tables, you must dump all but your very best hands. this goes against everything we’re taught to believe; that it’s best to go down swinging.
but follow the later philosophy and you’ll loose all your money. poker and life are cruel games. if you’re in it for the long haul, you pick your battles, because you can’t win them all.
the deal -
observing this poker maxim has made me a lot of money. so i ask myself, do i really like these cards i’m holding? have i invested too much, can i get away from panama without too much damage?
if i really like what i see, and i want to stay in panama, i’ve got to ante up, and make the monkeys dance. there’s a saying down here - por la plata baila el mono.
option 1 - i get married, hire a lawyer, jump a few hundred hurdles, and pay.
option 2 - i invest 200k, hire a lawyer, and wait.
the flop -
i’ve got an apartment, an affordable lifestyle, and a fine girlfriend. not too bad. but i still don’t make enough to live in panama full time.
the read -
if i were to formalize my relationship with panama and alex, i’d have to forget that i was lured into panama with the classic bait and switch, and that it’s an expensive, difficult process to become legal in panama.
and what exactly would i be committing to? panama has many faces. i love my girlfriend, her family, and the people i’ve met. panama is a beautiful country filled with wonderful people. but there’s also contempt for gringos and the poor.
even if i was willing to be pushed into marriage, or i had $200k lying around, how could i trust this government? the natives don’t, why should i? money invested in panama is vulnerable, the government capricious, and corrupt. justice is the elusive bird of panama, rarely seen, and when it is, it’s usually craping on your head.
alex cried when the u.s. left her country in the late 90’s. for the poor, the u.s. offered work, order, hope. things went to shit after that. today i look out at the big, moody skies of cangrejo. buildings are going up everywhere. the economy, tourists, and retirees are back. yet officials are telling them fuck off, or pay up. it just doesn’t make sense.
the turn -
these immigration changes were made only days ago, and people are already second-guessing panama. my 86 yr old momz, wanted to come and stay for several months next winter. now she cannot.
many of her friends, old, retired, and loaded with cash, wanted to buy a condo, and spend the chilly winters in tropical panama. now they’re telling me they’ll go somewhere else.
my friends, degenerate surfers, like to chase waves in remote places. they stay in panama 3-6 months at a time. they will go elsewhere. i’m also hearing from people who have been coming to panama for several years. they say they’ve had enough. they will sell their homes and go.
it could be that panama has jumped the shark croc. maybe now, before tourism dries up, before the idiots bulldoze all the mangroves, before the huge-ass bill for the canal project comes due, we all should hit the road.
some will suggest that i’m over-reacting. this story’s not about cojito and alex, its about immigration. too many chinos, and colombians coming in stealing jobs, and breaking the law. i hear ya. but if that were true why not exclude the u.s, canada, europe, etc., from these provisions?
because panama wants your money. they don’t want you.
the river -
if i’m jailed, deported, or fined heavily, i will dump this hand. there are too many fine places and wonderful people in the world. places and people who appreciate good people in their lives.
why waste more time and money here?
update - okke’s posted a good overview of the recent changes. read this before you visit and invest in panama.
thailand just changed the rules. making it hard to stay without jumping through alot of hoops…cant spell worth ka ka..went to school in the bronx…anyhow an old fellow told me 30 years ago dont fall in love with one of these banana republics..basicly the same..palm trees coconuts,,beaches and brown skined women..but they are always doing something to make life difficult..changing the rules,,,exchange rates,,,always be prepared to leave…hop on the bus gus..make a new plan stan..set yourself free…dont fret you,ll think of something..
Comment by captedgar — June 4, 2007 @ 11:04 am
It’s something I accepted some time ago. I got a resident visa, all papers in order according to whatever the current regulations and laws were, but still, things could change.
Comment by vieja — June 4, 2007 @ 3:58 pm
I have been thinking about this whole visa thing…here’s the thing…. One of the things that attracts me to Panama is the fact that things are loose… that its kinda like the wild west… there are a lot of rules here in the states…. and if you try to skate around them or slip someone a buck or two here and there to get what you want… your more likely than not… to get busted…In panama, that seems to be an excepted practice……So being an old NY hustler… that kind of environment kinda appeals to me … I know it can sometimes come back to bite you….but If you know what the deal is…. you can almost always manage to pull a few teeth…. so the bite dont hurt so much… So I’m asking…. can you slip someone a few bucks and get what you need to be where you wanna be?.. That’s the first thought that occurred to me…. find the other way to skin the cat… make the corruption work for you… Yes? No?
YeahDogg
Comment by YeahDogg — June 4, 2007 @ 8:55 pm
Perhaps living closer to the border, Changuinola, for instance and then you could easily cross when you wanted to and not have to pay so much for the trip. If it’s only a three day trip, get in good with some fishing village in C.R. just across the border, take a good bottle or two and make it a surfing/fishing weekend. If you find a small village in no time you’ll be a regular that’s accepted by the locals. It’s the big cities and main thouroughfares that have the, shall we say, near-do-wells and druggies. The small villages do not have enough ‘night life’ to keep the
A-holes going.
Changuinola should be big enough to have all of the comforts of home, internet, electricity(occasionally) maybe you’ll have to buy water, but thats cheaper than bus trips monthly, and the money you save, living in the sticks, will afford you to get your own uplink.
Maybe I’m nieve, I’ve never experienced Central America, but I’ve lived in Chicago, Atlanta, Los Angeles, Santa Anna, Santa Clara/San Jose, Denver, Pheonix. If I have made it there I can make it anywhere, and if I were in Panama and had to leave every month. I’d try to rent my place in PTY to some poor expat, let him deal with the govt. bullshit, move closer to the border, keep my wonderful girlfriend, and be able to cross when necessary until they change the law. History shows they will, someday.
Hope I don’t sound like I’ve got my haed up my ass.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 4, 2007 @ 9:04 pm
cojito; my sympathy to you and alex for what you’re going through for what it’s worth. I was once told that if I wanted sympathy I could find it in the dictionary between Shit and Syphlis.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 5, 2007 @ 1:11 pm
captedgar - yeah, i’ve read thailand makes it tough on foreigners. thanks, i’ll figure something out.
vieja - school pension? you know, i get this is not the u.s. and i should stf-up and accept this is how things are done in panama. but it’s just dumb and dangerous to mess with people like this.
yeahdogg - you hit the nail on the head. many people come to panama seeking more freedom. and if that means there are crocs eating fishermen, poison in the cough medicine and toothpaste, so be it. at least the gov is not riding their ass.
yes, people can be bribed. drug runners do it all the time. that’s partly why there’s a problem. in my case, if i really want to stay, i can figure it out legally. a bribe might save me time and hassle, but wouldn’t give me peace of mind. and how would you “know what the deal is” if you were new to panama? i think it would take a long time to figure all the angles.
fastfreddie - hmm “Changuinola,” interesting idea. i hadn’t thought about moving because i like living in the city. i have everything i want here. and i don’t really want to live in the sticks. i’d be bored in paradise.
i guess moving would depend on if i could find a cool, safe spot with a good high speed hookup. since i’ve already been branded a criminal i can’t really travel around at the moment. i’m set to leave in a couple of weeks for the u.s. i’m curious what will happen when i try to leave, and if they’ll allow me back into the country.
Comment by cojito — June 5, 2007 @ 1:47 pm
The raindrops on your window pane
that dim your view today,
are like all your other troubles
they’re not here to stay.
thoreau
Good-luck my freind.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 5, 2007 @ 5:33 pm
dear brian,
bless and release! just back from boston it
was beautiful!
see you in p.c. next winter ellen
Comment by ellen munday — June 5, 2007 @ 5:49 pm
Yes you are right!….It would take sometime to figure out all the angles….I was suggesting that because of your time there….U are in the best position to know what the deal is and how to take advantage of the fast and loose rule structure….. And, should you find some chink in the new rules armor…. I’m hoping you will pass it along to novices like myself…..Good luck man…. Hang in there!….
YeahDogg
Comment by yeahDogg — June 5, 2007 @ 9:04 pm
Cojito;
you’re not stupid you’ve gotten this far you’ll find, “the chink in the armor”, dont let anyone discourage you. You are mentally strong you can figure this out to your advantage. I’ve read everything you’ve writen, as well as the comments and replies. I’d put everty thing I own on your ability to over come the seemingly bad situation. You were “raised on never give up” there’s a way for you to come out on top, you just have to use your imagination, and perserver. If you can over-come the bullshit of the USA goverment you can over-come anything for there is no bullshit that stinks more than Uncle Sams’!
Sorry if I hurt your feelings, but the “truth” often hurts those who are looking for the ‘real truth’ in thier world, for it destroys their illusions, and sometimes their dreams, the truth can often be very cruel. Again my best wishes!
Comment by fastfreddie — June 5, 2007 @ 10:22 pm
If I’ved hurt feelings, I’ve been drinking more than my share this evening and my feelings as well as the liquor put me in the mood to tell the truth as I see it. My thanks to those who wish me well, all the rest can go to, where ever they want to.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 5, 2007 @ 10:30 pm
Saw this on a Panama newsgroup. The excerpt below may explain motivation…
>As Marketing Manager for an Immigration law >firm called Panama Offshore Legal Services, I >saw government officials explaining to >immigration lawyers why certain changes were to >come (such as this new 30 day stay law) months >ago.
>Panama Immigration and the government would >like to see only wealthier foreigners residing >here. Most immigration visas are designed for >foreigners willing to spend $40,000+ on >certified reforestation projects; or $200,000+ >on real estate and/or a Panama bank CD; or to >start a business hiring 3+ Panamanians.
>They don’t like backpackers or expats who >extend their tourist Cards for up to 270 days a >year while spending little money to live here. >Those foreigners are just loking for a cheap >place to live.
Guess the “powers” are not hip to poker-playing, gonzo-writing gringos who help support los panameños pobres that just ain’t on their radar.
Comment by lakesdiver — June 6, 2007 @ 3:32 pm
ooops…sorry about all the misplaced “>”
Comment by lakesdiver — June 6, 2007 @ 3:33 pm
sad but true. This type of immigration law seems global. Cojito hire three locals, use your investment in R.E. even though it does not calculate to 200K and or get married. Fight ‘myman’, how can you leave PTY when you are one of the lucky few who has been able to call Panama Home. Nonetheless you are one cool guy, with one heck of a great experience and thanks for sharing with us.
Comment by rrroyo — June 6, 2007 @ 4:28 pm
I may very well be one of those that has to leave this country. Until they lead me into the plane, I will keep doing whatever I have to do to stay.
Comment by vieja — June 6, 2007 @ 5:20 pm
Fight and overcome? Are you kidding? The guy is a shit-faced drunk!
Panama is a nice place when it’s cheap and trouble free.
As it ceases more and more to be either cheap or trouble free, it becomes less and less worth “fighting over.”
Comment by Raul — June 6, 2007 @ 10:01 pm
it’s true that panama will eventually go the way of costa rica. but let’s wait to see if this is a full - scale invasion or a blip on the radar.
nothing is permanent, but there is still time to enjoy panama while we keep one eye open for the next mecca.
Comment by marcopolo — June 7, 2007 @ 12:19 am
fastfreddie - thanks. thoreau? aren’t you too well read to be a fan of this drivel? don’t worry, you didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. we
live foraccept drunken postings at panama after hours.ellen munday - “beautiful in boston?” hah, it was probably gray, rainy, windy, and in the 50’s. if i’m not in a panamanian cell, i’ll see you around next winter.
brian.
yeahDogg - i’ve been here about 4 years. when i first arrived i spoke little spanish. i liken it to being an infant, learning to crawl, walk, speak. so i’m a toddler now. still soaking it all in. i can talk, but i don’t know shit. maybe when i’m 15, or 20, i’ll know all the angles.
lakesdiver - if that’s true, then it’s clear the gov doesn’t want me here. and i should think very carefully before i decide to stay. i think there’s already too many rich and poor in panama, and not enough folks in the middle.
rrroyo - the easiest thing for me to do is get married. but it’s complicated. i’m having doubts. alex is a fine girl, but this year we found out she had
expensiveserious medical issues and can’t have kids. so i must decide just how important children are to me. it wouldn’t be fair to marry her and regret it later. also i still don’t make enough here to live full time. i could spend money formalizing my relationships with alex and panama and then have to leave a year later.vieja - i thought you were a legal resident. and you were married to a native weren’t you? did your status change?
raul - good point. for me, it’s a “fight” just to keep from vomiting.
marco - i agree. it’s best to wait and see what happens. my only issue right now is that i’m an illegal. and when i go to leave i may be fined or jailed.
Comment by cojito — June 7, 2007 @ 1:31 pm
see how you are, even after i’ve explained i’d been drinking and asked for forgiveness. you throw thoreau in my face.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 8, 2007 @ 10:18 am
cojito…i dont see them jailing you for leaving the country. The only thing they can do is ban you from returning for many years…I believe it is 10. Of course, they could change that policy overnight too if they want.
If I were you, I’d just lay low, ride out the storm. I believe by August you will see some major changes in the recent policy changes.
Oh…and how bad can the marriage option be? I dont know you or your girl…but that can be changed down the road if it doesnt turn out also. I’ve been there done that.
One last point…things arent changing any more for the better in the U S of A either…so dont jump ship and swim for a shore you might never reach.
Comment by tman — June 12, 2007 @ 2:37 pm
I think I figured it out. The president and his cronies bought out Copa and now they want you to come and go every thirty days to insure they can afford their new high rises, mercedes and mansions. eh, what do ya think? ;-)
Comment by Anonymous — June 12, 2007 @ 5:28 pm
tman - thanks. my old 90 day tourist visa expires soon. i have to leave. i’ll just have to run the border and see what happens.
i really think i’ll be fine. i’m legal under the old law. but no one in the government seems to know what the is going on. so you never know what can happen.
the way i see it, if i get fucked with, then i sell out. they’ll make the decision for me. i’ll be gone a month or two. so the changes could revert back to 90 and 90 by the time i return.
getting married is easy. but a marriage visa is a long and difficult process.
Anonymous - heh, nothing would surprise me.
Comment by cojito — June 13, 2007 @ 2:57 am