some say Colombian immigrants are responsible for the problems in panama today. others claim it’s those nasty white devils from the north. and then there are the people who’ll say the fault lies with the Panamanian government. but i blame bob.
let me explain.
last week a couple of readers sent over an essay and asked me to respond. the essay’s about recent changes to panama’s immigration policy. it was written by Robert Adams (everyone calls him bob), for something called “Retirement Wave.”
at first, i tried to resist the seductive call of bob’s essay. it wouldn’t be fair of me to comment. after all, i don’t read retirement wave. nor am i an expert on Panamanian affairs. who is cojito to take issue with bob? bob’s learned. bob’s a world traveler. bob’s been to 40 nations. cojito’s been to only 8 nations.
9 if i count new jersey.
but more than that. bob’s essay doesn’t cover any new ground, and comes to the predictable conclusion that gringos are overreacting, and panama has done the only thing it could do.
in other words - pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
so i was prepared to delete it. it’s just one man’s tortuously long opinion. but then i got frustrated with something else i was writing, and i needed to throw something up on panama after hours to keep the crocs at bay. so here we are.
yes, i have no shame.
a quick note: the first third of this essay knocks down a straw man (re: manual noriega - everyone calls him manny). since virtually no one thinks noriega has anything to do with these immigration changes. i’ve decided to ignore it. and if bob had an editor he’d have ignored it too.
instead, i’ve decided to pierce the heart of it.
“everyone calls me bob” writes -
these people (re: gringo critics) insist that Panama is their “home”. I suspect that is not really true for at least some of them. I don’t think Panama is their real home. I think it’s still a foreign country to them. They don’t seem to be interested in what is going on in their “home”. They don’t listen much to Panamanians.
this is confusing. is bob saying - panama, love it or leave it? or gringo, you’re too self-absorbed to get it?
i’ll admit i’m self-absorbed. but the fact is, panama is still foreign nation to the majority of gringo ex-pats. how could it not be? you’d have to be bob, or live here a lifetime to fully understand the culture. and anyone who’s been here that long won’t be alarmed by these changes. they’ve lived through a hell of a lot worse.
but exactly how does being critical, angry, and active in forums demonstrate a lack of interest? it would seem the opposite is true.
as for listening to Panamanians. the Panamanians i chat with tell me corruption’s a way of life in panama. they tell me the government can’t be trusted. they don’t respond to “very professional polls.” they refuse to go on record.
others have told me they want more gringos, not less. most claim they’re worried about crime, drugs, corruption, gangs, and colombians - not gringos.
more bob -
Earlier in 2007, President Torrijos announced that the government was considering requiring “stamped visas” from all Colombians visiting Panama. This led to an immediate angry response from Colombia’s government. Keep in mind that Colombia is one of Panama’s biggest trading partners, the source of the largest number of foreign visitors, and a neighbor. When the smoke cleared, the idea was dropped. That, my friends, is what has led us to this visa controversy.
As a result, it has announced a new policy that upsets some people. No, this new policy isn’t going to stop that minority of Colombians involved with crime and violence, but it’s the best alternative available at the moment to make a “statement” and attempt to meet the demands of the people.
this has all been well reported. it appears bob agrees the immigration changes are flawed. yet he claims this is the best panama could come up with. why the best? because the government “had to make a statement.”
i dunno bob, if they were going to make meaningless gestures, couldn’t they have stamped their feet, or hanged someone instead?
i assure you, the natives bob knows so very well, don’t think this is the best solution. they’re horrified and saddened gringo tourists might go elsewhere. they think their government just didn’t have the stones to deal with their nemesis, colombia.
so far the government has muzzled the press, given the police special powers, and changed the visa regulations. this might win the prd re-election, but in what alternative universe can any of this be “the best alternative” for the citizens of panama?
we all know there’s more crime and colombians in panama. colombians are here because panama is doing better economically. panama is doing better economically, in part, because they are more wealthy gringo tourists coming to panama. its a vicious circle.
if these immigration changes are meant to get rid of gringo tourists, kill the prospering economy, so colombians won’t bother with panama, then yes, it’s a good plan. but as long as things continue to improve in panama, and things continue to suck in colombia, there will be a problem.
we can all agree its a complex issue. i don’t claim to have the answers. i’m just saying that these changes are dumb, and weak. these changes hurt the economy and deter tourism. there has to be a better way.
and if the government really wanted gringos to stay on in panama, why didn’t they make sure they wouldn’t be affected by these changes?
bob continues; cojito curses the readers who sent this over -
You have legitimate concerns about this issue. You need information to know what is required and what you need to do. You have every right to constructively criticize and encourage changes when you feel they’re required. However, if your primary source of information on this issue is from chat rooms and forums on the Internet, I am not surprised if you are emotionally upset.
yes, i’d love more information. how’s that going to happen when the government doesn’t even know what’s going on? or when the gov bribes/censors the free press?
it’s fine for bob to look down on chat rooms, forums, and the internet. ol’ bob reads the polls and listens to the people. he doesn’t need the stinking interweb. except (irony alert) to publish his blog. but the rest of us haven’t been round the world with bob. we understand there’s more, not less information available online.
in the end, i know there’s no hard evidence that bob is responsible for the problems that exist in panama today. one essay endorsing the status quo does not a smoking gun make. still, i think the hear no evil, see no evil m.o. certainly contributes to the problem.
so, i blame bob.
UPDATE: It appears our contact page was non-operational for almost a year. Thanks to the upgrade the problem's been fixed. Now you can feel certain your emails are ignored rather than lost.
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If after my afterlife I’m thrust back into living, I hope I get to come back with your voice. Love the melodic ease with which “I blame Bob” rolls off the tongue. Two in one day! Decided earlier, ‘laughing at Luther’ needs to be a title one day. I could go on, but maybe another day.
>>>ol’ bob reads the polls and listens to the people. he doesn’t need the stinking interweb. except (irony alert) to publish his blog.
LOL! And by default, do you suppose he thinks we should be listening to only him online instead of everyone/anyone else online? I mean, isn’t that the implication?
This guy’s newsletter is based on selling real estate in Panama! Of course, there’s no problem with the Visa change. Bob is not a licensed agent in Panama. And I’m sure the licensed ‘friends’ he refers you to never share a dime of their commissions with him for sending you their way either. I mean, wouldn’t that be illegal?
Cojito, now that I know you prefer people respond, not just read, here’s me bowing down to how you see it and say it…again. Props on yet another classic.
Comment by Me2 — June 19, 2007 @ 3:24 pm
I agree with your assesment of “Bobs” missing the mark on his article, but I question your near complete reposting of it here on your Blog.
Did “Bob” give you permission? I think excerpts with your commentary, then a link to his original article might have been better…
I would hate to see okke claiming piracy.
As to how I, personally, am going to deal with this new bullshit visa policy, I am finally going to get my married to Panamanian residency. I have been indecisive on the best type of visa to aquire for the last 5 years, and I don’t think delaying it will help, seeing how things are going.
And Cojito, don’t marry for a residency… If you want to get married, do it because you want her for a wife, not for convenience. I think this visa thing will pass after Panama suffers some adverse effects. They have a tendency of making really stupid laws at a whim in Panama…
And if you need a place to hang out while taking a run to the border (CR), let me know…
Comment by panamareg — June 19, 2007 @ 8:14 pm
panamareg - you know what, i think you’re right. just because bob’s essay was sent to me, that does not give me the right to re-publish it.
of course, i only put it up because i was writing about it, and i wanted to give my article context. normally, i’d just link to the full article on his site.
but i don’t think it’s on his site. i think the essay is bob’s newsletter. i’m no expert on bob, or copyright law, but you’re probably right that his newsletter is still subject to copyright. so i’ve removed it from panama after hours.
but for the love god - don’t tell okke! you know how he gets.
thanks for the offer of refuge. i may take you up on it sometime. that is, if you promist to keep the bar stocked with rum.
me2 - thanks. really.
hell yeah, i encourage feedback; especially fawning feedback lol. i learn a lot from the readers. and all the feedback encourages me to keep writing.
lol - though patriccio’s feedback just makes me want to eat dog food.
“do i suppose bob thinks we should be listening to only bob online instead of everyone/anyone else online?”
i got the impression bob thinks he’s a hell of a lot smarter than everyone else.
Comment by cojito — June 19, 2007 @ 11:20 pm
Cojito,
Don’t take me wrong. Your excerpts and commentary were hilarious and spot on.
It s all the bob, blah-blah, drivel-spew bullshit that I had a little bit of a hard time reading…
If you could have continued to di-sect and comment on his essay, that would be great.
An interesting thing about Panama is that there are a lot of very different types of foreigners living here. The only thing that seems to be in common is that they appear for the mosy part eccentric.
That is one of my concerns with this new visa policy… It seems to be focusing on only allowing the geriatric retirees to partake of living in Panama. These people are not normally the most active or interesting of folk. People our age are few and far between. Which is good because it leaves us looking pretty damned attractive compared to the septo, octo and even higher gringo male prunes in the possible sugar-daddy pool for all the hot panababes to lust after. Thats how I scored my dream girl…
And no fear if you stop bye. My bar is always stocked. Except for the tequila… I got my many (attractive/hot) sisters in law hooked on Margaritas.
Everytime I return home I have to restock the tequila and mixer. I think if I quit buying the Cuervo-mixer combo at pricesmart for 12 bucks, and ONLY buy the tequila alone, I will still have some when I get home.
Reggie
(who knows how to mix a margarita from scratch. I have beau coupes limón trees, triple sec and plenty of the unbleached sugar) Oh and a ice machine and blender…
Comment by panamareg — June 20, 2007 @ 12:31 am
poor bob….
anybody interested in a real, actual, factual experience with bob? or are we all too busy projecting our personal frustrations and predjudices?
i met bob. bob came to my apartment, took pictures of it, gave me an estimated selling price and then published it all on his website…free.
he asked for nothing, wouldn’t even take re-imbursement for his time. i had several inquiries as a result of his generous gesture.
my take on bob? he works for a “company” in virginia and doesn’t talk about it much…cia? i dunno. the access he has to opinon polls and statistics is very real and quite accurate from my experience. i’m guessing cia. panama is a mecca for ex-pats with tax and legal problems…maybe bob works for the irs (?)
in person he is a diminutive, likeable, quiet, eccentric guy…possibly gay –don’t know — don’t care.
what’s my point here? well, as usual, you have all had a wonderful time speculating and piling on to someone who you have decided isn’t as “authentic” as you are. the only people who truly belong in panama, the only ones who are truly “entitled” to panama are the fearless, adventurous,rag-a-tag members of the cult of the cojito. everyone else is a defective–too old, too rich, too concerned about living out their years on a small budget, too ignorant of what really matters…
i read this blog because i share the same lust for life that all of you do. if i wanted to spend my time with ignorant gringos, i would stay in the states. i love the girls here, the restaurants, the night life, the wild west atmosphere…but live and let live…
if you want a fucking visa marry a panamanian. there is a whole underground here of panamanians who will marry you for about $800. ask a lawyer.. those naughty colombians do it all the time. most of the colombian girls i know are married to panamanians they’ve never even met. i don’t know all the details, but you wind up with papers sooner or later and, after a while, you get divorced but you are still home free.
of course the government here is corrupt, of course most of the people are on the take…how is that different from the rest of the world? christ! i wish you guys would get over this visa-whining, self-pity and the trashing of people you don’t know (like bob) and get back to pussy and lust for ilfe.
ps. and if you are intelligent and literate enough to read and post to this site you are certainly intelligent and literate enough to scrape together the money necessary to find a way to stay in this county.
fuck! you guys make me so fucking mad i’m going to have to switch back to vodka…:)
Comment by marcopolo — June 20, 2007 @ 9:52 am
marco - lol excellent post. the cult of cojito. sweet.
bow down and drink the koolaid my bitches!
i can’t speak for the lost souls who frequent the cult of cojito. except to say they’re beyond redemption lol. i was reacting to bob’s essay. bob put his ideas out there, and i chose to lampoon them. that’s what i do.
don’t know bob. thanks for the background sketch. (do you know everybody?) no doubt bob’s a swell guy. or an evil cia genius. don’t know. i just think his reasoning’s flawed, disingenuous, or he’s relying on bad intel.
of course, if bob’s really in the cia then it all makes sense lol.
it’s not that the cult of cojito is intolerant of differences marco. quite the contrary. we embrace the deranged. we are the deranged. but when someone like bob presumes to lecture us …
well, you see what happens.
no doubt there are many ways to stay here illegally. my point is the immigration rules are ineffective, and bad for tourism. and contrary to what bob says, the other changes are simply anti-democratic.
do not switch to vodka man. that’s crazy talk.
panamareg - you’re telling me you have hot sisters-in-law, and you can make margaritas from scratch? i’m on my way. where you at? chiriqui? how would you like to be president of the chiriqui chapter of the cult of cojito?
Comment by cojito — June 20, 2007 @ 11:21 am
cojito — i don’t know everybody, but i make it a point to try to know the players. it is worth the price of a dinner or lunch or drink to sit face-to-face with bob or don winner or eric jackson or a private eye i know (who can help you disappear in south america) or cojito (who loves to pretend he is a drunken hardass when he is truly a gentle lover of women)or a lawyer (who can get you a pensianado visa) or a lesbian from colombia (who knows how to marry a panamanian to stay in the country to support her family), or an englishman (who’s done business with fidel, worked for the cia and seen cia videos of noriega fucking and strangling boys)…panama is the wild west, it is the final frontier, it seperates the men from the whiners, it is life writ large…it is worth every penny you invest in it…carpe dium or die whining…
Comment by marcopolo — June 20, 2007 @ 6:37 pm
ps. yes i switched back to vodka and that was the ketle one talking…fuck all of you if you can’t take a joke. (that’s viet nam era navy talk for you angry young pussies on the wrong side of history like raul…:)
Comment by marcopolo — June 20, 2007 @ 6:40 pm
Me, complaining about copyright theft? I thought that was legal in Panama?
Comment by Okke Ornstein — June 20, 2007 @ 6:49 pm
Damned Marco, what ever you’re drinking right now brings out a mean streak in you doesn’t it? LOL Maybe you should switch to Tequila or Congnac or Vodka. I agree though it’s time to drop the visa bullshit and get back to bar rooms and brothels. But your outburst and cojitos reply gave me my laugh that I was desperately in need of after all of the crying in the beer we’ve had lately. Very refreshing, thanks.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 21, 2007 @ 12:28 am
fastfreddie
ketel one brings out the best in me…:)
Comment by marcopolo — June 21, 2007 @ 8:26 am
glad to see your rough senses of humor are still alive in this debate. Some of these conversations sound like what I have overheard at La Terazza the last couple times I have been there.
I agree with the wild wild west metaphor for Panama. Like the 1800s…many who went for the gold rush in the west came back east busted, or in a coffin. others thrived and truly did find the gold. it wasnt for everybody, but the hearty, long suffering pioneers probably ended up much better off than if they had stayed in some tenement back in Boston or NY. This is the same kind of phenomenon happening with offshore living in the modern world. Its unpredictable, dangerous, constantly changing…but some of us would have it no other way.
Comment by tman — June 21, 2007 @ 9:18 am
Fawning? I have a terrible habit of only saying nice things behind someone’s back. Thought I’d try something new.
Cult of cojito fits right there with i blame bob or laughing at luther. Maybe we should run with it. Do we get to become card carrying cult of cojito members? Will you send them through the Panama post office?
IMHO, Panama used to be the wild, wild west but has progressed at the speed of decades per quarter, so now it’s more like Al Capone’s Chicago era. But the wild, wild west was why it was so appealing to begin with and does still exist, just not here. Yippeecayocaya MF! (Sorry, still prefer Rickman to Willis.)
Comment by Me2 — June 21, 2007 @ 10:33 am
Panama was on ABC News just 5 minutes ago. The story was saying how great Panama is as a retirement destination, cheap, traffic a little heavy but welcoming to Americans, beach homes for $150k, luxury condos for 250k. Showed airial video of the skyline bragged about how many towers were there now and how more than 75 more have already been approved to be built. Shit REmax, Century 21 and Coldwell Banker couldn’t have combined their efforts and made a better spheel to sell Panama. Cojito, you hit the nail on the head get out unless you’ve got pockets deep enough to reach to china.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 27, 2007 @ 11:11 pm
“I blame it on Bob”
Second thought, Bob is into real estate just like ‘the donald’ and other big USA money in panama and I think they’re scared and trying to unload before the shit really hits the fan. Why else would rupert murdoch and his cronies be trying to build up panama so quickly after the visa changes. The US govt. is run by murdoch and his cronies and they have the real inside scoop about the determination of the Panamanian govt.to carry through with this visa thing. And big money wants out or they wouldn’t try to sell for a couple more years when the R.E. market really came to ripen to it’s fullest.
Comment by fastfreddie — June 28, 2007 @ 8:23 am
http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/story?id=2624274&page=1
Comment by fastfreddie — June 28, 2007 @ 8:27 am
Personally I dont think panama is overhyped any more than most other developing countries. they still havent caught up to the overhype that costa rica pushes out the door…with thousands of sucker gringos still drinking the koolaid.
i still say you guys are overhyping a temporary moment of insanity in panamas government…that market forces will soon correct. so maybe i’ll be the last one out the door with everyone yelling “fire”, but i dont really smell the smoke yet.
a couple three days in colombia is a nice respite for now in the tourist visa management program…much cheaper and less stressful than miami.
Comment by tman — June 28, 2007 @ 3:19 pm
Tman, these aren’t R.E. people this is the media, ‘corporate america’ hyping panama, if the visa situation is causing problems on the street, why would ‘C.A’ be trying to sell property there when they’re not in the real estate business?
Comment by fastfreddie — June 28, 2007 @ 9:01 pm
fastfreddy - i think the u.s media’s always the last to know what’s going on. they’re still in parrot mode.
but i also agree panama’s not over hyped. not like costa rica. i think panama has a lot of room for growth. i guess that why these visa changes are so shocking.
are we overreacting? a lot of people are pissed off and telling me they will move on. that’s a problem if you want to be able to sell your home someday for a fair price.
i haven’t decided to move. i haven’t decided to stay. i’m trying to stay patient. i’m waiting to see how the gov responds to this “moment of insanity.”
Comment by cojito — June 28, 2007 @ 9:28 pm
Quick update from bob:
“Well, the Universidad Latina in Panama City has asked me to speak to some of their students and faculty on the subject of “The Future of Panama in the Global Community” on the evening of July 17th. I understand it will be open to the public, if anyone is in town and interested. Most of you won’t be around, but I thought I would mention it. When details are available, I will include them in a future Update.”
Comment by Me2 — July 1, 2007 @ 1:06 pm
me2 - damn, i’m going to have to miss bob this time. i’m in the u.s. ’till late august.
Comment by cojito — July 2, 2007 @ 12:24 am
Hey Cojito…Bob in Barron’s:
http://online.barrons.com/article/SB119041441207935747.html?mod=googlenews_barrons
Comment by me2 — September 27, 2007 @ 10:39 am
me2 - heh, yeah i read this after it came up on one of my feeds. i know it’s an editorial, but it reads like an ad for the bob show. i stopped reading right here “i’ve traveled to more than 40 nations …”
i don’t read his site. does bob remind everyone of his resume, and offer polling data every time he writes?
Comment by cojito — September 27, 2007 @ 3:21 pm