normally i play poker over at fulltilt. i prefer the online experience. the games are faster, cheaper, safer, and most importantly, i win more than i lose. the downside is that i’m sitting at home alone in my shorts and funky guayabera. win or lose that doesn’t leave me with much to write about.
so it was with great interest that i read about a company called pokertek. according to their press release, pokertek has installed a new hold-em table over at the marriott royal casino. they call their new table poker pro.
OK, the name’s got all the sizzle of tweed, but the idea’s intriguing. you see poker pro is a fully automated hold-em table, that eliminates misdeals, sticky fingered dealers, and bogus splits.
i’m interested. but i’ll tell you right up front, i’m not thrilled poker pro eliminates panama’s sexy dealers from the equation. i pray the royal casino keeps an ample supply of cocktail waitresses on hand, otherwise the deal’s off.
pokertek boasts that their automated table saves the casino money. with what casinos pay the natives i don’t see why that would be much of an incentive. but for a white devil like me the game has the potential to be cheaper, faster, and more honest. it would also give me an incentive to leave the house.
if poker pro catches on casinos could lay off hundreds. i guess i should feel guilty about computers taking over. but the truth is i’ve embraced high tech. don’t tell my girlfriend, but i’m even holding out for one of those virtual sex bots.*
with poker pro the cards get shuffled by a certified random card shuffler. once you get your cards face down, touching the screen will reveal your hole cards. the machine deals 50-60 more hands an hour. that means game should be much faster than a typical casino game.
it looks like they also have a cool replay screen, so you can go back and see where it all went wrong. as far as i know, this is the first, and only automated poker table in town. they say it’s looming over at the royal casino, just waiting for a sucker like me.
well, i’m your sucker poker pro. to learn more i surfed over to the pokertek website, and grabbed a promotional pic. the lads are even flogging pokertek stock PTEK (NASDAQ) on their site. i hear gambling (and sin) becomes a good investment when the economy tanks.
kinda like all these poor natives sweating lottery numbers every day. people of pokertek, if you’re reading this, and god help you if you aren’t, there’s no need for you to sweat it out. fair warning, i’m on my way over to the marriott royal casino this weekend.
if you decide to send over an email before i get back, please don’t forget to include your bribe proposal for my unbiased review of your fine and/or loathsome product.
on the net - pokertek | royal casino | sex-bots*
You are a worthless sack of shit.
Get your dope-addled head out of
your ass and start producing
something besides these miserable
musings.
Poker? You really are a
fuckstain.
Comment by marinero — October 25, 2007 @ 8:03 pm
lol you drinking again patriccio?
Comment by cojito — October 25, 2007 @ 11:21 pm
Cojito…havent seen the machine here yet, but went to a casino in Michigan that has a poker room full of them. Once you get used to it, I definitely think it will have its advantages for players. the dealers overall in panama…and througout latin america…suck. have no clue how to run a poker table…even deliver the cards to each player appropriately. i figure mis deals cost me a couple hundred per month here. so…bring on the machines. it must be an improvement.
Comment by Tman — October 28, 2007 @ 8:36 pm
What a great put down from Marinero. I think I could use the entire thing for a whole bunch of fuckstains I know! God, I actually burst out laughing when I read it, but I’m sure he meant it in the kindest way.
Comment by Tom — November 1, 2007 @ 8:28 am
LOL …everytime i hear the words fuckstain i crack up.Dope -addled is a good one to. Hell i liked cojito’s musings…the man is a poker junkie that needs his fix once and awhile.
Comment by Tmc55 — November 1, 2007 @ 12:34 pm
Ya´ll wouldn´t think it was so funny if you had been strained through a sheet. Do you have any idea how hard it is to explain a fruit of the loom birth mark on your ass????
Comment by fastfreddie — November 1, 2007 @ 6:02 pm