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Mar
13
Immigration or How to Stay in Panama
Filed Under Immigration, Tropical Life |
what’s your reason for wanting to live in Panama? Do you imagine you’ll spend your final days here? Maybe be buried in a lead coffin off the coast of Porto Bello like Francis Drake? Perhaps your reality is a bit more pedestrian and you’re hiding out from an angry wife, the tax man, or legal action back home. There are many reasons for wanting to hang on; beautiful women, warm beaches, lush jungle, cool mountains, sweet rum, Cuban cigars, killer surf, inexpensive living, affordable homes. Hey - It really doesnt matter why. We all have our reasons for wanting to live in Panama.
So, how do you do it? You’re not Panamanian after all. You don’t even have a tan. And when you try to order arroz con pollo the world-weary waitress just smirks. What are you thinking? You can’t just move down here and set up shop. You need mad skills, knowledge. You’d stand out like a polar bear in a gorilla cage. Well, the truth is that you can live here. You’ve just got to work at it a bit.
Now you might try impersonating Ruben Blades, enrolling in FSU, or joining the Peace Corps, but I’ve put together a (by no means exhaustive) list of five different ways for hanging on in Panama, some legit, a few fall into the gray area, and others are just plain illegal.
The most obvious and easy way to stay on in Panama is to show up with a suitcase full of money. Make it a big suitcase and be ready to part with a good deal of it. Investment in Panama is encouraged. Hire a lawyer and pay them to shepherd you through the process. They will advise you where to launder, that is, where your cash will work for you. Where that money comes from is of less importance then your willingness to leave it here. There are also ecological investments for you earthy crunchy types. Just remember, money is good, lots of money better.
Slightly shadier, your lawyer (or any local) might know someone in the goverment who could be prevailed upon (re: bribed) to let you stay. Panama has a rich history of bribe taking. Hell, the rector of the University has been accused of taking money to allow Colombian girls into school so that they could stay here and work at local brothels. How’s that for shaping young minds? You dont have to be in Panama long to understand its not about how smart you are, what you do, or how well you do it, its about who you know. Just ask Manuel Noriega’s daughters hired recently after a nationwide search.
Don’t have the hard currency or connections to make it happen? How about the pretense of wealth. That works too. What you do is create a fictional company back home that says you have a regular income stream. Not all that hard to to with the Internet. Who’s going to really dig deep and check? The people running Panama? Ha - you’re funny. Most of these characters are too busy stealing, drinking, shipping coke, and tossing hookers off balconies to care.
For our second method to work you must be really really old. Yep, here’s one time in life when it comes in handy to be a crusty geezer. What you’re after is the pensionado visa. Just show them that social security check and hoo-ah bienvinido a Panama. Of course, you’ll want to spend a little cash on a lawyer. (are you detecting a theme here?) That’s not the only good thing about being a geezer in Panama. Young women will dig you. Hard to believe I understand. Back home no one’s into you. The neighbor kids steal your paper. You can’t even get your fat wife to throw you a sympathy screw. Hey, I feel your pain. But there’s hope. Here in Panama hot women will fuck you blind. So hold off on the cataract surgery, pack the Viagra, and come on down.
Not everyone is lucky enough to be old. Some of us have to endure the burdens of a facile mind and firm flesh. So we need to be more creative. A great many of these creative types choose our third method for sticking around. They become illegal aliens. I’ve known a few folks who come and go as they please. When they finally leave the country some ( but not all) end up paying a modest fine for each month they overstayed their welcome.
Juaga vivo. This is not a path I recommend. Occasionally the police want to see your passport. And should they discover you’re illegal you could be hauled off to jail until you can pay someone to let you out. Now its rare that I’m asked to show ID by a cop. Indeed, they seem to be after illegal Colombians and Chinese. I’ve only been hassled once in three years here. Last year, I made the rookie mistake of crossing Via Espania on the crosswalk. A rather robust cop, in green fatigues, whistled me over. He looked at my passport, asked me questions that I pretended not to understand, pointed to the pedestrian bridge, scowled and sent me off. I’m sure that was the first time he moved all day except to pass gas and flirt with young girls. Still, he wasn’t wrong. The crosswalk is the bullseye of Panama. Cars, taxis, buses just dont care if you’re in the road. La Prensa reports its the number two cause of death here. About one and half people are killed by motor vehicles every day.
I dont know why that cop singled me out from all the crazed drivers and jaywalkers that day but I’m glad my passport was up to date. I’m the type of guy who likes to hike about the city without fear. I don’t want to become house bound because I’m afraid I’ll be swept up in a jaywalking dragnet.
Which brings me to the fourth and most dangerous method; love. It’s simple, if you’re brave or fool enough, marry a local. Hire that same lawyer to file the considerable paperwork and guide you through the legal labyrinth. After a couple of years you’ll have the necessary documents to call Panama home. The question is do you really want to marry again? And more importantly will your present wife allow it?
There’s still another way to remain in Panama; leave. I know, it’s counter intuitive. You want to stay but I’m telling you to leave. But leaving is what I’m doing in just three days. Oh, I wont be going far, nor will I be gone for long. Just long enough for a fresh stamp in my passport.
Let me explain. My passport shows I’ve been in Panama six months. I stayed for three months on a tourist visa, then applied for an extension at immigration (about $18). To do this you need to show up with pictures (there’s a guy on the corner who’ll take them for you cheap), copies of your passport, credit card, proof of where you’re living (I copied an electric bill), you then wait in line for most of the day (or hire a local to do it for you). When your number is finally called you leave your info, passport, and return the following week. After another long wait, theyll call you for a photo ID (like a drivers license pic only you’re pissed off, sweating madly and wearing an ugly tropical shirt). That’s it, youre good for another three months in paradise.
And that’s where I am now. Just finishing up six months. Time for the final lesson; the road trip. I’m heading to San Jose. So I’m reserving (two days in advance) a seat on the Tica bus out of Allbrook ($50 RT to San Jose). I buy another half ticket in case I’m asked at the border to show proof that I’m leaving Panama again.
Now if you really want to play it cheap you can buy a ticket for just over the border in Paso Canoas, stay in one of their crappy little hotels and return in a couple of days. But its a dusty little border town filled with crack addicts, thieves, whores and fat border cops. There may be some nice folks there as well. I just don’t seem to meet them when I pass through. There’s not much to do there but lay in bed, listen to hookers fake arousal in the next room, and watch your dozy ceiling fan struggle to stir the sticky air. So I don’t recommend it.
Anyway, I gotta run. See you in San Jose.
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Technorati Tags: Panama, Porto Bello, Manuel Noriega, love, tourist visa
join the cult of cojito. just drink the koolaid.
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I like your style,
I have been in Brazil, Costa Rica, and now thinking of Panama this month. Lost my soulmate 6months ago and can’t see myself with an ageing Cougar from SanFran.
I could use a friend for guidance on my next adventure.
Peace out,
Richy the Rogue
hey, thanks man. hmmm … “guidance.” i’m flattered. uh, were you drinking when you wrote that Richy? i get the guide/advice request a lot. i’m happy to help if i can. but only if you promise to remember i’m not claiming to be an expert or guide. you can write. i’ll try to help. cheers.
Why are these young women keen on older pensionados? Money? Good treatment? Marriage with hope of a quick inheritance? Or? Por favor, yo quiero saber.
my guess, if you’re living on $50 a month, finding a man who’s solvent, educated, and loving is like hitting the lottery. most of these girls have simple desires; to help their families, have kids, find love, sex, marriage. they just want to have some sort of life other than just simple survival.
I really enjoyed the tips, lol…yea panama is the place to be right now. It feels like miami in a way, but without all that b.s. drama and all the fricking stress. Good things dude, hope to catch you walking by one of these days.
Cheers.
thanks fern. lol - you found those tips helpful?
yeah, i’m around, and easy to spot. just look for an old, fat, drunken tourist running from police.
bonus tip - it’s not easy to run with 18 yr old hookers on each arm.
how is fern going to tell us apart? oh yeah…you have more hair than i do
god brian(i just gave you a name),
are you ever a braman or blue collar bostonian! it
does not matter-the cynical humour is there!
you do write well a bit over the top perhaps.
see the departed if at all possible!
sincerely
fellow bostonian
hey ellen, thanks. but what’s wrong with cojito?
of course you’re right, i am a cynical sob. there’s no “perhaps” about it, my writing’s way over the top.
Hey cojito, I just read that the Immigration laws in panama have changed……Is this true?… I understand that now you can only stay in country for 30 days without having to renew your visa…I read that they are rounding up expats from all over and putting them outta the country… is this right?…. Can you give me the straight poop on this?…Also, how much cash do I really need to bring with me if I wanna hang around for a couple of months…. Thanks
YeahDogg
yeahdogg - you don’t need much cash on hand. an atm card works all over the city.
i’ll look into the visa changes. i’m just hearing about it now (thanks raul). last april i renewed my visa and it was 90 days and then another 45 days. last year it was 90 and 90.
where’d you read expats are getting tossed? i haven’t heard that.
Here is a copy of what I have read…..
Panama FIRST ALERT • Panama FIRST ALERT • Panama FIRST ALERT •
May 30, 2007
Panama City, Panama
Dear Panama First Alert Reader,
Visitors to Panama will no longer be granted a 90-day stay with a tourist visa. Previously, Panama immigration law allowed for a 90-day extendable stay. Now, anyone entering the country on a tourist visa will be granted just 30 days—extendable only once for a total maximum stay of 60 days.
Government authorities recently passed an amendment to Law No. 15 which amends one provision of the Immigration law —one of a series of changes implemented to control illegal immigration. As of this month, Panama has deported 512 non-nationals—from Colombia, China, Ecuador, Peru, and the Dominican Republic, among other countries—for lacking appropriate documentation.
What does it mean to those who travel often to Panama or wish to spend extended amounts of time in Panama? It means you will now need to exit and re-enter the country every 30 days (60 days if you extend your tourist visa), or you will need to qualify for a visa other than a tourist visa. Panama offers several different visa options…but some of these require considerable investments in terms of time and money.
Best Regards,
Jessica Ramesch
Sounds like I can’t set up shop in Panama anymore…. what you think?… will they be bouncing Americans soon?
YeahDogg
As cruisers, aboard a sailboat traveling in Panama, we find that the new immigration laws make cruising this country VERY difficult! This is very unfortunate for Panama because we will just “cruise” somewhere else where we are more welcome! Although as a cruiser we find that Panama offers a lot of coastline to investigate, and we would have left a lot of $$’s behind.
Goodbye Panama!
Broken Dreams.
When I arrived in Panama City after shipping everything I had after my retirement, I rented a furnished apartment near Av. Balboa waiting for my new condo to be built but during the low tide I was not able to breath,my asthma got worst, the smell was terrible, I had a huge headache even with the windows closed; next day I went to the hospital; I called the realtor and after many fights since the contract was already signed, I was able to move to a house , a strange place to be, leakings, floodings, rising crime, bad neighbours.. Then three projects were cancelled, all my money gone.
Sorry but I did not meet the nice people just crooks, compulsive liars. Now I am leaving for good, upset for believing in the fake ads that do not mention the traffic jams, skyrocketing prices, cancelled projects that have damaged Panama’s credibility as a safe investment haven worldwide, maybe the country doesn’t have the technical capacity yet, those three big cancellations have affected a significant number of investors like me. And the attorneys, landlords that take your money, lying to you 24 hs. a day?
I am upset with myself for not researching more carefully before moving to Panama. Maybe some expats are still living here pretending they are happy, that the country will be always a paradise which is not but I was expecting more. Much more.