FOR MADMEN ONLY:
I’ve been told (mostly by angry women) that its crazy to seek foreign lovers. They ask, “what’s wrong with women in the U.S?” Indeed. I must be mad. What drives me from a paid off apartment stocked with whiskey, cable TV, and Internet porn? Why am I not dating the stoned pin cushion selling slurpies in the mini mart down the street? Why do I have such impossibly high standards?
I’ll grant you this path’s not for everyone. I have a friend. Lets call him Dave. Dave looks for breeding, pedigree. If a woman doesn’t have a higher degree, good salary, house, nice car, Dave’s not interested. Is that you? If it is, I suggest you stay home. I won’t sugar coat it. Many of these wonderful women are poor. This is just one of the many obstacles to finding love overseas. There’s work, risk involved. Truth is, many U.S. women are wonderful. It’s also true many foreign women are different and worth the effort. As one man said to me years later ” They haven’t forgotten how to be women.”
I found it refreshing coming from the States. Women here are thinner, healthier, more sexual. In the tropics relationships resemble a tango. In the U.S a tug of war. Women here seem to understand both partners can’t lead. That doesn’t make them weak. It means they get how relationships work. There are no games, no bullshit. Women appreciate good men. A caring and simple man might be judged quite harshly in the US. In the tropics he’s god.
STEP 1: OPEN YOUR EYES.
Why am I on this plane? Two words: fear and loathing. OK, that’s three. But here’s an interesting statistic. You’re most likely to marry a partner who lives within 5 miles of your home. That scared me to death when I read it. If you’re like me (over 40) you look around and the choices are, um, unappetizing. No doubt North American women feel the same. Everyone’s fat, stressed, on some kind of prescribed medication, sexually dead, wearing faux personalities, bitter, [tag]divorced[/tag], crazy … just fill in the your favorite neurosis. But the internet’s changed all that. If you open your eyes you can meet people from all over the world.
STEP 2 DREAM
Before I made the leap I needed a dream. For me, sex was easy. Women would show up at my door looking for sex. But lasting love? That proved elusive. We’ve all got our baggage after 40. At some point. I figured I’d carried enough luggage. I began to dream of traveling light. I started reading, viewing pics, and websites. It evolved into actual travel.
My first trip to Costa Rica, I traveled to Nicoya Peninsula, Dominical, Puerto Jimenez, Osa Peninsula, Pavones, Golfito, San Jose. But it was in Jaco that I befriended a 24 yr old Nica [tag]stripper[/tag]. In the brief time we were together she’d relentlessly hint about marriage and kids. I was struck by how intoxicating, sensual, and affectionate she was. She was a good woman. She just wasn’t age appropriate. I knew that while it might be fun. It would be expensive, and end badly. But thanks to her I had my dream.
Step 3: HAVE A PLAN:
I identified my goals; find love, learn Spanish, write. My plan was to travel and meet new kinds people in [tag]Central America[/tag]. That meant I needed to study the language and culture. I began to study Spanish. I was working days, so I’d come home and try to learn a few words every night. I spent almost two years doing this.
STEP 4: EXPOSE YOURSELF.
At some point I needed to put myself out there. The next step was to look for Internet dating sites featuring Latin women. I studied the ads and posted profiles. I didn’t buy memberships at first. Eventually I joined one of the sites after finding a couple of women I wanted to write.
STEP 5: WRITE OFTEN.
When you write regularly it shows you’re interested and care. I found several women who looked forward to my letters. They understood the importance of learning about each other before we met. We exchanged photos. We wrote for almost two years. No strings. No money. I stayed busy with work, dating, and rehabbing my apartment for sale. I had a long range plan of moving to Costa Rica or Panama or [tag]Nicaragua[/tag]. I deemed Colombia beautiful but too dangerous. So I targeted women in these countries.
Nicaragua is very poor and not well connected to the Internet. That hindered my search. I didnt find anyone to write there. Pity, because I was looking forward traveling with friends to Nicaragua. I could envision a grand adventure. After a night of drinking Flor de Cana all of us lined up (hungover and pantless) in front of a [tag]Sandinista[/tag] firing squad. Smoking that one last Fidel-sized joint before hot lead tore our capitalist pig flesh, our imperialistic blood staining the warm Nicaraguan earth. Of course, there’s been a regime change so we would’ve probably just had our flip flops stolen.
I found Costa Ricans aloof, materialistic. There was no joy in my encounters with them. The country’s dirty and dangerous. To be sure there were some beautiful areas. But I didnt like the gringo prices and lack of infrastructure. Nor the way I was treated by the locals. The most interesting person I met in Costa was a Nicaraguan. But the women who wrote from Panama seemed different. In the end I was writing only one woman. Alex.
Step 6: GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND GO.
Romancing foreign women is not like ordering take out. “Fortune favors the bold” the Romans were fond of saying. They conquered the known world. I was just after a good woman. The winter of 2002 I was to meet up with friends in Mal Pais Costa Rica. We were going to spend several months traveling the country. My apartment was about to close on Cape Cod. It was cold. I was tired. I decided it’s time to meet Alex. I was ready to change my life.
I had been divorced almost seven years. Scientists and [tag]Buddhists[/tag] tell us change is always happening in the body, cells are always being replaced. After seven years all the cells are new. Perhaps this is why it takes so long to recover from death, divorce, betrayal. Maybe my salvation was at hand. For years I’d been dying spiritually, and at the molecular level. Now it was time to be reborn.
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