investigation stalled

an investigation into over $200 in missing food and booze has been hampered by uncooperative witnesses, and a persistent throbbing in the frontal lobes.

ten-ish new year’s day, i emerge from the bedroom fortress. shakira’s on the player singing ” me duele tanto.” i know just how she feels. a group of natives are seated ’round my dinning table eating, drinking, and gibbering in some strange language. bastards.

i scan the room with crusty, bloodshot eyes, most of the food, and all of the booze is gone. how? why? for the love of god, it’s new year’s day, how can anyone be expected to endure college football without rum?

the women folk aren’t talking. smokin’ hot new year’s night, they now have scary can-sized rollers in their hair. one plausible theory, they drink the beer, then use the empty cans for their beauty treatments the following day. diabolical.

“dios mio, un feria de rolitos” i say.

that gets them laughing. when i’m running an investigation i try to keep the natives off guard with laughter and soothing music. you never know when they’ll get it in their heads to sacrifice another white man. the old ways die hard down here.

and the machetes are always within arms reach. warily, i move to higher ground, the bar. my girlfriend hands me a mug of coffee. i need it. no one’s talking, so i dial up the wireless, maybe a tipster will rat someone out.

all i find are messages from the needy. “what’s your story?” “who are you?” “what do you look like?” “can you send me more naked pics?”

the last email’s from mom. i’ll answer that later. but to the rest of you, i feel compelled to respond. the natives may have stonewalled my investigation, but that doesn’t mean i can’t help you with yours. i understand your need to know what’s up with the strange man cobbling together all this fantastical bullshit.

so today i’ve shredded, re-written, and re-named the overview page. i’ve also included a pic. for you perverts. the page has been re-named “how we like to roll.” i’ll try to update it from time to time.

now, if you feel the need to remove the thin tissue of lies that keeps our worlds apart, so be it. i’ll not try and stop you. the original about page, written last year, was getting stale anyway.

happy new year.

and i’d like to thank the makers of abuelo. i think i’ve been drinking again.

Written by: Cojito Copyright © 2012 · All Rights Reserved · Panama After Dark