TO THE COMMITTEE TO ELECT BALBINA HERRERA:

I would like to write for, and assist Balbina’s campaign for president of Panama. Who am I? Think of me as a pot smoking Karl Rove, but with a bigger penis and better music collection.

I’m not cheap. I’m American. So I’ll need a starting salary of at least $100k, my own government issue 4×4 with tinted windows and bulletproof glass.

Of course I’ll expect you to provide me with an assistant. She should be young, very bendy, and like to get it on with old gringos. A nymphomaniac gymnast would be nice. But please, nobody from San Miguelito. I really can’t afford to catch the clap again. read more»

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