Every year the “miss reef international” competition is held in panama, and every year the smart money is on a sexy Colombiana. not so much because Colombians are hotter, or because they do so much better in the fellatio talent part of the the competition, but because they are the only bikini models known to carry machetes.

even with the threat of kidnapping and decapitation, two costa rican beauties, and a sexy Panamanian chica won over this year’s crowd at playa venao. delante was there to record it all. but they came away with a jumpy, out of focus mess that makes the magruder film seem like pulp fiction.

that’s why i think they all should be tarred, feathered, and driven from the city limits. here was an opportunity to document some of the finest culitos on the ithums, and it looks like delante’s man was too busy rubbing one out to focus the damn camera.

video after the leap … read more»

finally, a man that puts his high school Spanish to good use; the romantic pick up. i envy him. i studied latin. latin sucks. try working Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.* into a song and see if you score.

*If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.

“the room looked like the site of some disastrous zoological experiment involving whiskey and gorillas.” hunter thompson.

new years eve - by midnight every flat surface in my apartment is covered with green cans and empty plates. the floor is a sticky sancocho of spilled beer, rum, and pineapple cake. smoke fills the air making it hard to breath.

i’m still vaguely haunted by a reader’s suggestion that it’s better to get anal from a gay escort than spend new years with my Panamanian family. here’s this dutch wretch watching flights depart everyday for tropical panama, yet he’s never dared hop aboard.

i want to be his hero again. i want to give him hope. i want to run naked through the Cristal Moon with nothing but a gold card stapled to my penis. but any concern i have quickly fades as alberto passes me a fresh heineken. read more»