now i know exactly how Hemingway must have felt just before he put a gun in his mouth.

what you see here is the new print edition of the panama report. hurry - it’s moving fast. i had to wrestle this copy from the bony hands of a crone. she was using it to shield herself from the harsh sun. the dog.

i swear, they’d rather avoid skin cancer than read down here. in panama, no one reads the paper, unless there’s a nude girl, or bloody body on the front page. matt what were you thinking? where are the whores and carnage? where’s the alternative edge? how will this stand out from all the other free papers pimping tours, real estate, and overpriced hotel rooms?

i’m sure matt’s too smart to care what i think. he knows what he’s doing. the panama report’s for tourists - not cojito. and it’s available free at all the major hotels in panama city.

i know what you’re thinking, how can matt afford to give all this valuable information away free? one word. volume. to be fair, it’s really quite a handsome paper. marred only by my story of panama’s rainy season on the front page.

speaking of squabbling writers - why did mario vargas llosa sucker punch gabriel garcia marquez in a Mexican cinema?

if you’ve ever been punched in a mexican cinema, you know it hurts like hell. i’m a fan of both of these guys. in fact, i just picked up a worn copy of mario vargas llosa’s “aunt julia and the scriptwriter” on my trip to san jose. so i particularly enjoyed this article in the independent about the 30 yr feud between two of latin america’s greatest writers.

and perhaps ecuador’s new president rafael correa was too busy re-writing the constitution, refusing to repay the world bank, and bypassing congress to notice, but there’s an interesting article over at npr explaining why mount chimborazo in the andes, at over 20,000 plus feet, is 1.5 miles closer to the moon than mount everest, at 29,000 plus feet.

is this a socialist plot lurking in the equatorial mountains?

here’s the flip side to my recent article about living cheaply and safely in panama. check out this new york post story about a staten island philanthropist who came to panama to invest, and start up a bed and breakfast. the wealthy widow was staying just down the street from me, in the edificio Atlantis, one of the beautiful buildings completed last year.

today el critica has even more gruesome details of the her violent death. they report that toni grossi-abrams, was beaten to death, chopped up, stuffed into a suitcase, and burned in rio abajo. it’s early in the investigation, but police have already arrested an american woman, and are looking for a couple of colombians.

this doesn’t appear to be about the random dangers of living in panama. el cangrejo’s a safe area. and panama city’s safer than toni grossi-abrams’ home city of staten island new york. this could happen anywhere. it’s probably much less likely to happen here.

it looks more like the story of an international cabal committing murder, with robbery or payback as their motive. eric jackson of the panama news suggests it’s possible toni grossi-abrams “was involved in more than one argument over money in connection with real estate.”

still, it should give pause to wealthy investors. there’s a reason the rich live with the rich. it’s safer. and in panama, there’s a juego vivo culture. locals don’t trust the government to protect them, or their assets. nor should you.

the natives all tell me the same thing, “don’t tell anyone you have money.” not a problem. i’m poor. they just think i have money because i can pick up the check. but if i really did have money, i’d keep that information to myself, no matter where i was living.

update - it’s interesting to hear the buzz on the street about this story. the locals are horrified by the savagery, and pointing fingers at the colombians. they don’t trust colombians, even though many have colombians in the family.

“you just can’t distinguish a criminal from colombia,” a friend tells me. “panamanian thugs have gold teeth, and dress the part. but colombians are just as likely to wear suits and ties. so never know who you’re dealing with.”

sunday april 15 - here’s my rough translation of today’s la critica update.

it’s alleged toni grossi-abrams fought over island property. and that debra ana ridley, an american woman, is being held on suspicion of her murder. 2 colombians (possibly members of ridley’s family) are being sought for questioning.

for english speakers, here’s a link to the ny post’s latest update. the post spells debra ana ridley’s name as Debra Ridgleia.

and yes, i agree with okke. in the scheme of things, this is perhaps, much ado about a dead gringa.