I spend most of my time drunk writing in el cangrejo, and sometimes i forget how beautiful panama can be. all it takes is a 5 or 10 minute cab ride and you’re ready to rejoin the wild.

this weekend my girl friend, her sis and i got a chance to do balboa and isla naos. that’s not exactly dodging rebels and poisonous snakes in the darien gap. but we did run into a couple of colombian hookers, and the fierce breeze ripping across isla naos almost knocked my hat off. read more»

“Getting married in Panama is easy”

That seems to be the consensus of websites topping my “how to get married in Panama” interweb search. Some of them temper the “easy” bit by adding, “provided you have all the necessary paperwork and follow the correct procedures.”

of course that’s like saying swimming lake gatun is easy, provided you’ve read up on crocodiles, and can swim really fast.

except for finding corrupt officials, growing pineapples, or getting hit by a killer bus, nothing is easy in panama. say you really are foolish enough to get married. and you’ve come all this way to meet the love of your life: a simple chola with dirty feet and scary sex drive.

this is a happy time for you. you’ve got your script for blue pills, paid off her burro, bought her mama new teeth. you’ve even remembered to bring certified and stamped court documents of your birth and divorce. now all you need is a judge or priest to say a few meaningless words at your funeral blessed union and you’re ready to pound wally pound.

not so fast pendejo. read more»

fresh details emerged today regarding the identity of an alleged killer, with a smithsonian botanist claiming the accused murderer is probably the infamous Cocos nucifera.

so far police are not sure if robbery, revenge or jealousy was the motive in the brutal killing. “well, only one branch was used to take him out. so, it could have been a professional hit,” said an official on the scene. read more»